As a single 30-year-old man, I do not have a day. Everyone else does.
- Valentines Day for couples
- Mothers’ Day for mothers
- Fathers Day for fathers
- World Book Day for children
- National Women’s’ Day for women
And Red Nose Day for people with red noses.
So that’s all women, men in relationships, parents, children and Peter Schmeichel covered. What about me?
Introducing: ALAN DAY!
Alan Day preparation begins the night before as you set your alarm for 45 minutes before you need to leave. It only takes you 30 minutes to get ready. so you go to bed safe in the knowledge you will have time to press snooze once.
On the morning of Alan Day, the celebrations well and truly begin by pressing the snooze button 3 times. This leaves you 15 minutes to shower and run around finding any clothes that seem like they are clean, or clean enough to get away with.
For Red Nose Day you are often asked to wear something red into the office. Well with Alan Day, colour is not important. However, you must wear an unironed and untucked shirt. Socks must also not match.
Much like RND, there will be annoyingly jolly people at work holding buckets asking you to pay for the privilege of looking like a twat.
Upon getting home from a hard day’s work, all housework is banned. The only exception is you may wash an oven tray to cook your turkey dinosaur and chips on.
If you enjoyed Alan Day, stay up until an unreasonably late time ensuring that you only get 6 hours sleep. Set your alarm for 45 minutes before you need to leave and repeat indefinitely.